mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
