You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize