no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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