Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
