Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
