Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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