it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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