On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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