fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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