his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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