Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
