youre lurking in front of me
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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