Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
