Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Randomize