I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
