If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
