i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
