We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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