"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
