Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
