I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
this hospital has no fireball
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
