she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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