So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
