Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
