did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm bleeding and have questions
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
