he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
