I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize