Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
