Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
