I need help removing her.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
