Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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