let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Boobs are out for the taking
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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