im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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