Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
