I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
