The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
