A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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