whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
