Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
