awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
