She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
no you cant smoke seaweed
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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