yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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