Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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