Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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