HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
