Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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