i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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