WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
