I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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