i permit you to call me
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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