i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize