i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Randomize
