who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
