I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
