dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
