I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
my liver is dry heaving
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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