I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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