I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Just pee around me
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My vagina is very pro this idea
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