You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
two words...techno handjob
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
