He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
