why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
two words: eviction party
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
