so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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