I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
