i think my tv is drunk
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
