its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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