No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
