Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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