The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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