i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize