And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
