I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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