barbara walters just said penis...
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
