At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
